Women Relationships
As women how do we know which attractions lead to pain, and which can lead to real love?

As women we have to Learn to distinguish between attractions that lead us away from love and attractions that lead us to love, but this can be very hard to do, why? because we are conditioned to seek and gravitate to what is familiar and pull away from what is unfamiliar.

Attractions that lead us away from love can be wildly compelling, while inspiring relationships hold challenges that few of us are trained to meet. Let’s explore both types of attractions and discover how we can chart a path toward love that lasts.

Attractions that lead us away from Love

Attractions that draw us in like an undertow and almost always get us hurt, betrayed and not feeling enough. We keep feeling we have to do something to win our partner’s love, approval, or affection. We spend way too much time worrying about what we’ve done wrong, or what we can do differently to make things right, to make them love us the way we desperately need to be loved.

These relationships can trigger a need and longing that robs us of our sense of balance. In some essential way, they leave us feeling like we are not loveable, not enough and that we will never find love a feeling of hopefulness that can be very, painful.

If they cause so much pain, then why are they so hard to break free from? Because they activate one of the most primordial human emotions, fear of abandonment. There are other reasons why these relationships keep drawing us in.

  • Have you ever been crazy about someone who wasn’t available, or wasn’t good for you
  • Have you ever invested way too much time trying to teach someone to treat you right
  • Have you ever felt desperate for the affection of someone who sometimes treated you wonderfully, and other times badly?
Attractions that lead you to Love

Attractions that lead us to real love is having warmth and an easiness a flow and a feeling of calmness. In these relationships, our challenge is to accept our partner’s caring, loving gestures not to win it and not having to buy it or do things to earn it as it is always there it is consistent and grounded. Our partners might challenge us to be better, but at the bottom, they love us for who we are and that is enough.

Attractions that lead us to love are fueled by the real sense of well-being that the relationship creates in us, These attractions that lead us to love often unfold slowly. They get richer as time goes on.

They may take lots of work – but such relationships allow the work of intimacy to grow and consistency develops. They make us feel love, not desperation. These are the only relationships to build a life around and invest our time and energy in, the only ones that deserve the gift of our most intimate self. These relationships give us the space to be vulnerable and really show what we are feeling knowing we will always be accepted with compassion and understanding.

We can measure the quality of our lives by the relationships of mutual inspiration we’ve cultivated. Without such inspiration, any love will wither. And without these relationships, we too will wither, reverting to smaller, more defensive, and wounded versions of ourselves.

Here are some rules for identifying your attractions that lead us to love:

  • Are you attracted by your partner’s consistent caring and acceptance?
  • Are you attracted by your partner’s goodness and way of being?
  • Do you share similar values?
  • Does your relationship non-negotiables match?
  • You are both aware of and have cleared BIG core wounds.
  • You are both willing to get uncomfortable to grow.
  • There is an emotional, spiritual, intellectual and sexual connection.
  • You both speak your truth and you are constantly able to come back to love.

Many of us believe that the attractions that draw us in so powerful is real love but they are not. When these attractions let us down, we believe it’s because of something missing in us and that is just not true.

It is time to start falling in love with qualities of kindness, decency – and availability.
We have a choice and we can choose which to follow.

Most of us are wired to want the hard-to-get. People who devalue us make us want to convince them of our worth. These are our attractions that lead us away from love and as compelling as they are, they rarely lead to happiness or lasting love.

We’ve just never been taught how to distinguish between these attractions. Or that we can choose the healthier love, and then consciously cultivate its passion and sexual heat.

Attractions that lead us to love comes with their own unique challenges. Whereas attractions that lead us away from love trigger fear of abandonment within us and we are so conditioned to move towards what in unfamiliar so most times we end up making the choice to follow the attractions that lead us away from real lasting love.

Let Us

Work Together

I offer you a safe space to work together, to relay your issues to me and to provide true listening, guidance and understanding.